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AUTHOR: Jessica Marshall, MTV.com

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If the jokes at this year’s Golden Globes had Adele “pissing” herself laughing, it’s safe to say there was some pretty funny stuff coming off the stage at the Hollywood Foreign Press Association’s annual awards show Sunday evening.

That may have been hard to believe, though, after co-host Amy Poehler made the sobering revelation in the first five minutes of the show that when left untreated, the HFPA can lead to cervical cancer.

Poehler and her former “SNL” castmate Tiny Fey opened the show with some zingers — but not too many, in fear that, like Ricky Gervais, running afoul of the HFPA would force them to accept the punishment of hosting the show at least two more times. They praised Kathryn Bigelow’s authority on the subject of torture (“I would trust the lady who spent three years married to James Cameron”) and Anne Hathaway’s role in “Les Misérables” (“I haven’t seen someone so totally alone and abandoned since you were onstage with James Franco at the Oscars”).

Poehler and Fey weren’t the only jokesters of the evening, though. Here’s a roundup of the most hilarious bits of the 70th Golden Globe Awards:

“Dog President”

Of all the movies and television shows that were honoured with nominations, this production got the biggest shaft in the awards department. Fey and Poehler dressed up as fake actors Damian Francisco and Darcy St. Budge, the stars of “Dog President,” and were announced as nominees in the Best Actor and Actress in a Miniseries categories. Francisco, the professional volleyball player battling restless leg syndrome, later slipped onstage to gush over seeing “Bill Rodham Clinton” backstage.

“You Get Outta Here!”

Will Ferrell plus Kristen Wiig equals hilarious, at least during their comedic duet onstage Sunday as they introduced the nominees for Best Actress in a Motion Picture Comedy. In an impressive round of improvisation, they intentionally bungled the characters and plots of the nominees’ films. “Meryl Streep? Hope Springs and she’s the sassy sheriff!” It was all fun and games, until the camera flashed to Tommy Lee Jones, who looked like someone skinned his cat.

“A Much Happier Ending Than the Movie”

A more-behaved-than-usual Sacha Baron Cohen (with drink in hand) delivered an intro to the Best Animated Feature Film category riddled with jokes about his “Les Misérables” co-stars. “Russell Crowe had four months of singing lessons. That was money well spent. And Helena Bonham Carter gave the head of the Academy a personal massage, which I’m led to believe had a much happier ending than the movie.”

“They Call Cookies Biscuits!”

According to Aziz Ansari, the cast of “Downton Abbey” had some really awesome weed backstage. And he can’t feel his ears.

“I Can’t Be Worse Than You”

Who speaks English better: Stallone or Schwarzenegger? The two aging action heroes made fun of each other’s famously slurred and accented speech while ironically introducing the award for Best Foreign Language Film. In an additional twist of irony, the winning film happened to be from Austria (“Amour”), Schwarzenegger’s native land.

“Look How Drunk Glenn Close Is!”

Poehler and Fey made a point to make fun of the fact that the show attendees should be half in the bag at the midway point of the show, with all that free booze going around. Golden Globe nominee Glenn Close (“Damages”) played along, delivering an award-winning performance for the cameras.

“I Promised Myself I Would Thank Chad Lowe”

“Girls” producer and actress Lena Dunham made a point of tacking this extra thanks on to the end of her second acceptance speech of the evening. Why? “Because Hilary Swank forgot,” she said to reporters in a post-show press conference, referring to the infamous dis Chad Lowe received from then-wife Hilary Swank in forgetting to thank him during her 2000 Oscar acceptance speech for “Boys Don’t Cry.”

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